My Superpower... {Hint: it ISN'T what you'd expect...}
“I don’t want just words... if that’s all you have for me, then you’d better just go...”
F Scott Fitzgerald
I have a secret!
I have a real life super power…
Before you begin guessing, because let’s face it… you will~
Nope. It isn’t super strong coffee
No. It’s not a “great camera” or an amazing husband {which i do have!}
No, it’s not even the blessing of God Almighty!
{although, I do attribute ALL of my successes and characteristics to His design.}
The secret behind my connection in my images is…..
It is a Super Human YEARNING for Motherhood.
“Kelly, how is THAT a superpower?”
You would ask me with a giggle. I know you’d think it was melodramatic, and silly, and depending on how I told you… downright cynical.
Well, grab your cup of coffee, tuck in and let’s have some story time….
My heart…. the man who keeps up with my insanity!
My "SuperPower”
Why Kelly? Why are you just sharing this NOW?
Why have you been quiet about this all along?
Well, sweet friends~ let me tell you MY story...
I have been wanting the honor of being a mommy for my entire life. Well, at least since I can remember... My mother even tells me stories about how I would breastfeed my dollies when she had my brother When I was tiny, if anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would say "A Mommy" like it was the best thing in the whole world! I would force my best friends to play house, we would argue over who got to be the “mommy”. I loved dollies until I was older than I should have been {um… 11? Don’t judge me guys…}
Fast forward 30 {ish) years.....
Hubby and I have been trying for a while {like, a while...} to become parents. We waited a few years, it's true, because we were enjoying our life together. Life has had some curve balls for us though. We had the amazing honor of helping my parents raise my niece and nephew {Their cute faces are right here…I know, I am obsessed too! }
Looking back, I realize that I may not have been able to love these children in the way that they needed if I had my own family already. I would not have been filled with their sweet faces and documenting every second of their lives if I was going through my own pregnancies. They needed a super obsessed Auntie and Mimi to replace their absent parents. It was SUCH an honor {and still is }
However, something was still missing for us…
Before I even left teaching, we knew the time had come to begin our family. However, God has not had those plans for us YET. We have begun seeing specialists, had a few early miscarriages, and through that pain I have seen my mission while waiting with very teary eyes...
I have been silent and ashamed of “not being enough” and of my inability to do the one thing humans are meant to do in their lives~ procreate. I have not wanted pity (still don’t) or sympathy (nope, I am not dying either- thank you) and I have been worried about broadcasting this. However, through this experience, I have listened to some amazing women who have opened up to me privately about their stories and it has lead me to realize something…
I YEARN for a child. For the consuming, soul touching, gut wrenching bond that comes with being called "“mama””.
During a web-chat with another photographer friend {Hi Lisa!} I realized that instead of my infertility being something embarrassing or shameful for me.;Instead of letting it go unnoticed for fear of people’s pity, or instead of hiding away until we got our family, I should embrace this for what it is….
So, for this crazy- frustrating- humbling reason, I have gained my superpower.
I am compelled to CAPTURE MOTHERHOOD for other people as a way to make my struggle beautiful and complete. I want all of this disappointment to become something amazing, like a phoenix rising from the ashes of my broken heart.
There is a new song, by Ben Rector {who you have to hear… he is AMAZINGLY SOULFUL} called “Make Something Beautiful”
It is the thing I listen to whenever I get into the car and head to a session.
It sums up my purpose and value in this world SO SO WELL.
It is the prayer that is echoing in my heart as I pick up my camera and face my clients.
It is the thing I say to myself when I am feeling dark and helpless about not getting pregnant.
Now, Ben has NO IDEA who I am. What I do. And one day, when I am feeling brave, I may reach out to him and tell him all of this, but for now… I will be a silent admirer of his wisdom.
I YEARN and DESIRE to create something beautiful.
I know that sounds a bit dramatic friends, but this heartache has put me in the very unique position to realize and grasp onto the true blessing that motherhood is to each mama, wherever the path has found her. I appreciate every single time I pick up my camera to capture motherhood. I slow down, breathe connection and joy into my clients, craft the perfect space for them to FOCUS on the joy and intimacy of their bond.
It is my life's calling and I want to pursue it with my arms and lens thrown open to what it brings along!
If you’ve read this far, you probably need a new cup of coffee and a hug! Imagine the hug and if you want, I’ll buy you a real cup of coffee someday!
Love always,
~Kelly
